Goat. I know you know it’s a goat, but that’s my title for this picture anyway (anways, for the great unwashed).
Let’s see if I get to 10 things.
1. Books. Some books I just cannot bring myself to read past some literary stumbling block. Caveat: these are my own literary stumbling blocks, they are no indication that the author is a communist, kicks cats, or (if the author I may mention is a favorite or a friend of yours) isn’t a better writer than Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare combined.
2. Example One: We were taking care of Babycakes over this past weekend, and doing so in the kids’ house for the most part. I was looking for something to read. I saw a book by one Jodi Picoult (I gather this author makes a handsome living writing books), entitled The Tenth Circle. In the first paragraph is the following: “This is how it feels when you realize your child is missing: The pit of your stomach freezes fast, while your legs go to jelly. There’s one single, blue-bass thud of your heart.” What????????? Here’s why this bothers me: #1, it is foolish to attempt to describe an emotional state anyone who could possibly be literate enough to read your book would know, either through personal experience or shared human values; #2, nobody knows what a “blue-bass thud of your heart is.” This reminds me of the lame lyrics in the flower-power/psychedelic songs of the sixties in its attempt to make an image. The notion of “show don’t tell” (never a good one) is on the loose here.
But I read on, being in a very tolerant mood.
3. On page 17 of The Tenth Circle, the protagonist is referring to his daughter, who he is dropping off at school (something like that). The girl’s “hands were burrowed in the sleeves of her North Face jacket.” Now this is one of my pet peeves. It doesn’t matter a fig (another caveat follows shortly) what brand of jacket this young female character was wearing! References to particular products are, to me, the enemy of verisimillitude, not the friend. They reek of “I am trying to show, not tell, blah, blah.” I hate this. (Here’s the promised caveat): Like the pistol mentioned early in a story which must reappear later, it may be that at some point in The Tenth Circle it becomes very important that the brand name of the jacket was mentioned (I doubt it). I’ll never know. I put the book down for good. To avoid being sued, I must interject that I wear some of the fine products of the North Face company. If Jodi Picoult or her loved ones read this, remember, I’m just expressing my own views! The fact that I couch them in terms of universal literary truisms is evidence of how highly I admire my own opinions. [Editor's Note: oh, duh, it must be "product placement"].
4. Also lying around (or would that be laying around? how about “taking up space in”) the kids’ house was the book The Secret. Oh, yeah, I pick up books of this ilk from time to time, and, dare I say it, may have expended funds on one or more of them in my life. Hey! Who am I to exclude universal truth and enlightenment from my life? The gist of this tome is that by thinking good thoughts you get good stuff, and vice versa. Okay, fine, I’ll try the power of positive thinking (oh, wait, that was another book). Anyway, here’s my point: within the first few pages of this infomercial, the author mentions getting a car (a nice car, I guess) as one of the things you can get by thinking right. A car?! A Freaking Car?! I need universal truths and enlightenment to get a set of wheels?! Why? To impress bimbos (hmmm, is that “bimboes” I’ll ask Dan Quayle)? WTF? Needless to say, my reading of this book came to a quick end. I guess I’m stuck with just a utilitarian vehicle. Sigh.
5. I also finished reading a book (well, as it turned out, a part of a book) I actually paid for: I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. I’d seen the movie trailers on teevee, and the book was on sale. Not the first “last guy on earth” tale, but I was intrigued. Turns out that “I Am Legend” (note: no more italics for this one) is either a real long “short story” or one of them “novelinas” (or is it “novelista,” “noveletsky,” “novena”)? For no reason I can fathom, this last remaining human will only drive Willys vehicles. Most readers would not know what this vehicle is, and it is beyond me why we, the readers, care what the hell kind of vehicle the protagonist (Mr. Legend) appropriates for his use. This falls into the “my character has to have some sort of kicky, interesting quirk” school of writing. WTF? Further, how does this yahoo figure out the disease aspect of vampirism with his little microscope when all of medical science was unable to do it previously? Okay, I read the whole novellona. There were some other stories in the book only some of which I have read so far.
6. So, while I’m on the subject of books, here’s a movie discussion (I haven’t the faintest idea if this was ever a book). We rented Michael Clayton on pay-per-view after putting Babycakes to bed. The movie requires a great deal of attention if one cares to follow the story. I put in the effort; my Sweetie crossed the river Lethe. George Clooney, FTSMITW, could have mailed in his performance. In fact, as far as I’ve been able to tell, he could mail them all in. Whatshername, the woman corporate counsel, got an Oscar for her role, I’m told. This was a sort of “banality of evil” thing, as I understood it. Her job, her role with the corporation, her need for approval, led this woman to hire two murders done. My reaction was that I wasn’t too shocked, which is a comment by me on how law is practiced and why I got sick of it. Winning becomes everything. Taking it to the point of murder was, I guess, just a literary/cinematic exaggeration for emphasis (or was it an exaggeration?). Not a movie I’d watch again, parbly. Was the scene with the horses on the hill (harking back to a picture in the book) a bit of the old deus ex machina to keep Mr. Clayton from blowing up with his car? Probably, but it didn’t really bother me.
7. I also just read Water for Elephants, and thoroughly enjoyed it.
8. Somehow, I lost my driver’s license yesterday. I had it, then I didn’t. I went to get a duplicate today. Are all driver’s license bureaus dismal strip mall establishments staffed by betas?
9. My Honey and I went to Disney World this afternoon, the Magic Kingdom. Rain was looming but we got in some strolling and picture taking. A guy who was a dead ringer for Johnny Depp was doing the Captain Jack Sparrow thing for the rubes. It was really good. My Honey wondered idly if maybe Mr. Depp himself came by to do it.
10. We ate at Wolfgang Puck. A pedestrian meal. Ran through pouring rain to the car. Home again.
